There’s Something Wrong with Masculine Girl Power

I wonder where and how messages get sent through the whole of society. Who starts them? Who sends them? Who propagates them? And why don’t we more often question them?

For the sake of promoting a thriving civilization, I’m going to look at one of these today. Like in the “telephone” game, we can start with something that gets very distorted. Here’s a beginning statement:

·       Girls/women are just as important as boys/men in this world.

Who would argue with that? Not someone civilized. But, from this basic idea that we agree on come a great many distortions. Here are a few:

·       Girls/women can do anything boys/men can do.

·       Girls/women should do the same things that boys/men do, because they can do them as well or better.

·       The things boys/men do are the important things, so those are the things girls/women should do.

·       The things girls/women do are not as important as the things boys/men do, so girls/women should set aside those things in favor of the things boys/men do.

·       Marriage has been used to hold women down; it’s not good for women.

·       Women don’t need men in their lives; women are better off without men.

·       Children are a burden on women that they shouldn’t want—but if they do, only in small numbers, as they might choose to have a pet in their life.

·       Women shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of sex by being forced to have a baby.

The distortions start out subtly. I’ve been noticing the distortions in movies lately, particularly movies aimed at girls. The intended message appears to be, “Girls are as physically strong as men, or even stronger,” which isn’t biologically true.

Take the new live-action Mulan. In the original, the theme was that a young woman sacrificed herself for the sake of her father and family.

live action Mulan movie poster
found here

In both versions, Mulan’s father was required to serve in the military at a point in his life when he was lame and old. He had no son, and it was shameful to the family to offer no support, so the father was going to sacrifice himself. But his sacrifice would take him away from being protector and provider of the family, and would mean the ruin of them all. So Mulan, seeing this, took his commission papers and sword and portrayed herself as a young man serving in the military.

animated Mulan movie poster
found here

In the original, she was weak and small, untrained and pretty clutzy. But so were a number of other new soldiers. So she trained with them and got somewhat better, although she was not a standout soldier.

In the new version, she shows near magical abilities of balance and agility—because a powerful chi was in her. While she trained with the other new soldiers, she surpassed them, despite her small size and previous lack of training. It was all that chi in her. In one scene, they are required to carry water up a steep mountain. It’s heavy, and wears down many of the stronger young men around her. But she finds that, because of her chi, she can practically float up the mountain carrying the heavy water.

In the live action, the only real challenge to her fighting ability is another female warrior. Because the new theme is, women can be the best warriors, but they aren’t respected, because they’re women. So get out there and show them.

In both stories, Mulan is discovered to be a female. In the animated version, it is because she is wounded, and they of course find out while treating her. In the live action, it is because she lets her hair down and reveals herself to be a woman, to be her true self, because otherwise she doesn’t have as much chi—even though she has had it through all the training. Then she is shunned as a fraud and possibly as a witch, since that’s what they think of warrior women.

In both versions, after being outed as female, she becomes aware of the threat to the empire and must rush to the city to protect it, despite being ostracized. In the animated version, she uses her smarts and boldness, and recruits help from friends. In the live action, she uses her over-the-top fighting skills, plus brings the warrior witch to her defense at a critical moment.

In the end of both, Mulan is honored for saving the empire. In the first, she returns home to her loving family, having brought them honor—plus there’s the possibility that her commanding officer might have more interest in her as a wife. In the second, she’s honored briefly by her family and then goes on to become a palace guard, giving up family life.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t see the new movie. Visually it’s beautiful. But afterward, what do you talk about? Do you ask your daughter what she thinks about how Mulan is valued? Because she’s valued, not for being a female, but for being better at male things—like being a warrior and being strong and skilled in combat against other strong well-trained men—than she is for those lowly female things like getting married or nurturing children. Those things are not valued here, in this latest film.

There’s something to be said for noticing your gifts, developing them, and using them to serve others. But what if your daughter doesn’t have the “chi” to make her magically stronger and more skilled in battle than practically any man? What if her gifts and desires position her better for something this movie and society seem to be devaluing? What do you tell her then?

There was another example we watched recently, a Netflix original called Enola Holmes. The teenage younger sister of detective Sherlock Holmes is, in her mid-teens, both a developing brilliant detective and action hero, apparently in the footsteps of her mother, who has recently abandoned her for more important female emancipation work. She spends much of the movie rescuing a young member of Parliament who is in danger of being murdered. She stumbles, makes mistakes, and gets into difficult situations that sometimes require her older brother or someone to get her out of. But mostly she figures out where to be even before her brother. And her martial arts skills are pretty intense for a girl of the late 19^th Century.

Enola Holmes, image found here

It’s a fun little movie overall. But, again, she excels at being a man—stronger, better at battle. There’s the braininess too, but only if it is coupled with the superhuman strength in physical combat.

What do you talk about afterward? That a girl can be every bit as clever at detective work—or other things that require good thinking skills? Good. That has always been true. And you can put her in karate classes, or some other martial arts training to boost the power in her 78-pound body. But what if a 180-pound male has martial arts training? Who’s going to win in combat? The stronger one. Who is the physically stronger one? Rarely is it the woman, and never is it the 78-pound girl.

What happens when she realizes that basic fact and feels less than adequate, because all the stories are showing women are valued—not because they’re women or do uniquely female things, but because they do men things better than men do. If your daughter can’t do physically impossible things, culture is actually telling her she is less valuable.

It’s the exact opposite of the message of equality we agree is positive.

Three years ago I wrote a piece called “Feminism Does Women Wrong,” in which I said:

Feminism has been about insisting there is no difference between men and women, and then pressuring women to hide their femininity and behave as if they are men.

That is not freeing; that is limiting. And it is anti-woman.

 A couple of days later (exactly three years ago today, it turns out), I wrote another piece on feminism called “Feminism Turns Women into Bad Men.” In it I said this:

Feminism is an ideology at odds with the feminine. Feminism, in a misguided scree, declares that women can be men as well or better than men can be men.

There are many ways in which men and women are equal. Intelligence, according to IQ data, is essentially equal. Individuals differ. And interests differ. Women who enjoy math, engineering, and other left-brain-labeled fields do as well (sometimes better) in those fields as men who enjoy those things. And men who enjoy arts, humanities, social sciences, and other right-brain-labeled fields do as well (sometimes better) in those fields as women do. Nevertheless, a larger number of women gravitate toward the “right-brain” side, and a larger number of men gravitate toward the “left-brain” side.

But it’s a rare woman who makes a better physical laborer than a man. If you can’t carry a fire victim over your shoulder to rescue them, maybe firefighter isn’t the best career choice for you. Same for construction fields, heavy equipment operations, oil rig worker, or a lot of other physically tough jobs.

If you’re 5’4” and 120 lbs., you probably can’t lift a 100-lb. sack of grain as easily as a 6’ tall 190 lb. man. Fact of nature, like gravity, not worth fighting.

Should qualifying women be prevented? No. And in my lifetime (I’m upper 50s) they haven’t been. And during my lifetime, when they do equal work, they get equal pay.

Women are not lesser women, or less feminine, for pursuing something different from most women, nor are men lesser men, or less masculine, for pursuing something different from most men.

But women who pursue something to prove that women can do it too are not doing it to help women; they are doing it with the attitude that women’s choices are less valuable. This is what feminism does; it shames the feminine.

One thing I have found particularly dismaying this past week is young mothers who are so excited that their daughters are seeing a female Vice President. They see this as a good thing, even though the woman in that position started her career by having sex with a person in power who would give her advantages over honest women and men. She had a particularly corrupt history, and was rejected even by the people of her party in the primary election. She accused the eventual nominee of sexual abuse and racism, but then was proud to join him on the ticket. They “won” in the wake of greater voter fraud in more places than we have ever experienced in this country. Her most sacred policy is abortion on demand, paid for by taxpayers, up through the moment of birth and possibly beyond.

Is Kamala Harris the best person to do the job? Clearly not. If you’re praising her simply for having female body parts while being in a traditionally male job, you’re sexist. If this is something you’re telling your daughter, you’re part of the problem.

Did we, in this country, have a problem with Margaret Thatcher’s leadership in Great Britain in the 1980s because she was female? No. Did we have a problem with Golda Meier leading Israel in the 1970s? No. Or Indira Gandhi’s leadership in India in the 1960s? No. It wasn’t an issue of sexism keeping women out of the top US positions; it was not having the right woman. And we haven’t seen that yet. But there have been multiple women in near top positions: Condoleeza Rice, Nikki Haley, Kayleigh McEnany, and on the Supreme Court Amy Comey Barrett—none of whom condone abortion or slept their way into power.

If you’re going to talk to your daughter about her possibilities, why not help her consider how to be the best woman she can be, as God intended her to be, using her natural talents together with her femininity—rather than discounting her womanhood to make her into a wannabe man?

Help her live a life that contributes to civilization—and is also a full and abundant life. Help her be a good woman.

Have those talks with her—because the world is constantly giving those distorted messages. Have civilizing conversations with your sons too, because they’re also getting distorted messages. You don't get civilization by telling men they're bad for being masculine and telling women they're bad for not being masculine.

Real Women Are Better Off with Truth

Write what you know, they say. Here’s something I know from experience: being a woman. I can’t say I know what all women experience, but I know the basics, plus my own experience.

And I want to say, to those “woke” people claiming that a man can be a woman—or that a woman can be a man, for that matter—are wrong. Offensively wrong.

What happens when a person goes through a so-called “transition” from male to female? They dress in stereotypical feminine ways—dresses, maybe sexy or maybe frilly. They put on makeup. They may take hormones or undergo surgeries to disguise the original body parts and produce the appearance of feminine ones.

Sometimes it’s a pretty effective disguise. Voice is still an issue, but some women have somewhat deep voices, so they might possibly be in the target range.

But is being a woman just a matter of “presenting” as a woman before the world?

Does it come down to clothes, makeup, and chemical and surgical castration, and that makes someone a woman?

As a real woman, I resent the very assertion.

There are so many things—and such a range of things—that come with being a real woman.

Me, with a couple of awesome real women.
We've been in each other's lives since freshman year of college.

There’s the physiological. There’s understanding what it means when your hormones affect your mood and behavior, and sometimes sabotage your otherwise capable self. There’s the preparation for producing offspring that begins at puberty—changing your shape, your interests, and your sense of calendar timing.

There’s the tremendous change that comes with pregnancy—with the miracle of growing a person inside you. There are the physical effects of that: nausea, tiredness, sinus congestion, discomfort, looser joints leading to difficulty walking near the end. Plus the thrill, fear, and anticipation of this permanent change to your life.

Then comes the actual birth. Women, when they get together, tell and compare their birth stories. I’m not certain I know why. It’s not to one-up one another; it’s to participate in the sisterhood of mothers. We share these life-changing stories.

No matter how unpleasant the pregnancy—and delivery—that new life in your arms is miraculously worth it. And this new little one teaches you something about love that you thought you understood before, but you realize you didn’t. It gives you a glimpse of the love of Heavenly Father for His children—all of us.

And there’s the psychological. No matter what you see about the terrors of having a house full of “littles,” messing things up, doing gross things, and upending your previous order—those little ones teach you how to be a better, more loving, more patient, more service-giving person. Without them, you might never become the person of your potential.

Me with a grandson 5 years ago

A woman understands how this person with a heartbeat that used to be inside her now moves through the world separate from her. And she understands what it is to see this young person grow into an adult, who will leave home and start a new family, hopefully. Which is both painful and beautifully satisfying.

A woman knows what it is to grow older, and focus less on appearance, more on being productive in other ways than producing new humans. She knows the mix of feelings surrounding losing fertility and moving beyond that time, including the new emotional upheaval of menopause, followed by something of a calm beyond that.

Let’s include women who never have children. Is she still a woman? Yes, of course. She might be infertile but will still have gone through all those physiological changes in preparation of the potential, which women’s bodies do.

And we include some women who aren’t loving mothers, or even good people. They’ll still understand things about being a woman that a man does not—cannot—comprehend.

Being a woman is a human thing—a very specific human thing. Different from being a man. That’s regardless of job choice, talents, tendencies toward being outgoing or introverted, logical or emotional, brainy or… not. Women cover the whole range of humanness—except everything that is specifically what a man is.

So, when a tiny fraction of humanity—around 3 per thousand people[i]—decides they want to be something that they simply are not, and closer to just 1 per thousand people who are male but want to claim they are female,[ii]  what does a real woman think about that? In today’s world, are we even allowed to have an opinion about that? In locker rooms and sports all over, real women are told to shut up about it. Suck it up. Suffer in humiliation. Be powerless.

Me with two more awesome real women.
We started a homeschool group together back in 2005.
Julie (left) has a book coming out soon and does a
podcast on grief recovery.

Here’s another thing about being a woman: We’re better off with truth. When speaking up about unfairness at the workplace. When speaking up about unwanted sexual interest anywhere. When speaking up about rape absolutely every time it occurs. When speaking up about males trying to take over women’s sports.

Women are better off with truth.

What about that tiny percentage of about one per thousand people who decides to claim they are a woman even though they were born male? Let’s try treating them with honesty. We can do that while also treating them with dignity. We can offer them sympathy for a mental disorder that isn’t being treated very logically by the medical and psychological communities. We can hope for better treatment for them—even expect that and pressure for it.

We can accept that they want to present themselves as something that they are not, and we can say, “You’re welcome to do that, as long as you do not require me to participate.” We don’t have to pretend that their “transition” is real. We don’t have to treat them to the portions of life that are reserved for women—out of respect for women—such as in locker rooms and in women’s sports.

We don’t have to lie and say they are an exception to the scientific fact that, if you are born male, you can’t be a woman.

We don’t have to use a pronoun that they demand—a part of speech that refers to a person generally in their absence in place of a name, for brevity or when the name may not be known. Why should anyone be allowed to control the way someone refers to them when they are absent or unknown?

We can speak up loudly and repeatedly that we will not allow this fraud to be perpetrated on children, and we can push for laws to protect children from the permanent damage this fraud has been subjecting them to.

We can expect them to respect our differences of belief.

And if they do not, we may have to get louder about how offensive this tiny minority has been toward real women. We have tolerated their offensive lies long enough, pretending they can reduce everything that we women are down to makeup, clothes, and outer appearance.

Women are much more than that. And telling the truth about that is better for us all.

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[i] We’re using the whole population total of .3% transgender. Children are likely lower. See “The Search for the Best Estimate of the Transgender Population,” New York Times, June 9, 2015.

[ii] We’re assuming, for simplicity, that half of transgender individuals are males who present as females. So, of the 3 per thousand, that leaves 1.5, rounded down to the nearest whole person.