Give Thanks

A week ago the President of our Church, Russell M. Nelson, spoke to the world briefly, around noon our time. He had a message of hope for us during this time of trial. And he had a suggestion for us, to use our social media as our gratitude journal for a week. Each day, for seven days, post something we are grateful for. And use the hashtag #GiveThanks, so we could see it happening.

So I did that. It was more posting than I usually do in a week, but it felt good and caused good interactions with friends. And I saw a huge amount of things to be thankful for on friends’ posts.

One friend noted that, what is hard is deciding what to mention. You can’t narrow it down. It’s like naming your favorite book, or movie, or song. Too many, in too many categories. But it is a healthful exercise, to recount at least some of the things we can give thanks for. Maybe it's something we should keep up, whether online or off, for the foreseeable future.

I’m a day late with this post—I took an actual holiday yesterday—but I thought I’d share my #GiveThanks posts, just to add some positivity here.

 

Friday, November 20

I thank Thee, O God, for this prophet. #GiveThanks

Screenshot, link is to this video

Saturday, November 21

I am thankful for these four practically perfect and always interesting grandkids. #GiveThanks

Sunday, November 22

I am grateful for music. Lilly had me count once the instruments in our music room, but there are more. At some level I play the piano, organ, mountain dulcimer, guitar, ukulele, soprano recorder, alto recorder, penny whistle, and kalimba. While my voice shows serious effects of allergies and age, when I sing I feel God's joy. The photo is me playing dulcimer with friends at a folklife festival in 2015. A week ago some of us played together, distanced, at a park. It felt good to play together once again. #GiveThanks

Monday, November 23

There's this family I made together with [Mr. Spherical Model]. Every one is smart, funny, talented, and good—and we love being around each other. Weren't we cute 25 years ago? The other photos are 4 years ago. We need to update again sometime soon; we're missing a grandchild in that one, so she's in that fourth one from this September. Just have to say, even being stuck at home together is not too much of each other. We've thrived with the together time with each other, and just miss more time with the kids and the littles. #GiveThanks

Tuesday, November 24

I am thankful for our home, which we had built for us when we moved to TX in 1998. It has been a refuge from the world. It was our school for ten years. It's not grand, but it's the nicest home I've ever lived in. I guess I don't take enough photos of just our house; I couldn't find one today. But here are some from inside rooms that I worked on. #GiveThanks

 

Wednesday, November 25

I'm thankful for books. Never too many. These images aren't mine; I've just collected them. (I collect books too, of course.) #GiveThanks [Note the images in this section are things I’ve collected from Facebook, Pinterest, and other places that I’m not currently able to track down. I do not intend to take credit for anyone else’s work, nor fail to credit them.]

Thursday, November 26

I'm thankful for food. There's a lot of food I don't get to eat, but what I eat is delicious to me. Strawberries are my favorite. And sometimes there are other goodies I enjoy making for other people, just to see them enjoy them. #GiveThanks

Count Your Many Blessings

A lot of literature recommends doing a gratitude journal. The idea is to list three things to be grateful every day—and write them down. It helps you recognize the good and feel happier. It’s actually a therapy activity for depression. Making it a daily habit makes a difference.

Some comics have been doing this exercise this week. (I got all these from the Houston Chronicle.)

A few days ago I read a piece about thanks, extending this activity to something bigger—not for every day, but just so you know you can do it. It suggested that it’s pretty easy to come up with a thousand or more things you’re thankful for. You do it by coming up with 10 categories and listing 100 things in each category. Here’s their list: 

100 foods you love (think desserts!)

100 animals or things in nature

100 household/modern conveniences (walk around)

100 benefits from society (use a phonebook)

100 people you love (check your contacts list)

100 body parts or things your body can do

100 books you love (read the bookshelf titles)

100 movies you love (look through the DVDs)

100 songs you love (check the playlist)

100 bad things that have never happened to you

That was just the secular list. They went on to list categories related to our religion, including musical moments from hymns and Primary (children’s) songs; favorite scriptures, people who’ve been living examples to you, and more.

I think I’d like to add a few categories about living in America. Maybe I wouldn’t get a hundred for each category, but I could probably get 20 in almost any category. Then I’d just need more categories to reach 1000 or more things to be thankful for:

·         Places in America where I loved visiting or living.

·         Founding fathers and historical figures that led to our freedom.

·         Beautiful words and phrases in the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.

·         God-given rights.

·         Blessings of living with freedom.

·         Blessings of living with economic freedom and prosperity.

·         Blessings of living with civilization.

This year the feast and festivities are at our son Political Sphere’s house. We’re just bringing a couple of easy things. And in our part of the country, the weather’s good, so the two-hour drive should be pleasant. I’m thankful for this holiday that brings us together as families.

May your day be full of things to be thankful for as well—and the happiness that comes from noticing those blessings!

Giving Thanks For and To

Gratitude, it is said, is the way to happiness. In a world—a fallen world, as we say in Christianity—where there’s plenty of bad things happening, and even purposeful malevolence, the way to happiness is to notice and appreciate the good.

image found here

A common suggestion for those suffering depression is to keep a gratitude journal, a daily recognition of good things. It helps shift the focus away from the bad that is so easy to find.

But there’s something about the word gratitude that we should notice: you are grateful for something, and you are grateful to someone. Simply being grateful, in a vacuum without the connection, is something else. Contentment. Gladness. Maybe resignation. But not gratitude.

As we celebrate Thanksgiving, a synonym for gratitude, let’s notice what we’re thankful for—count those blessings. And also notice who merits our gratitude. That could be family members, friends, people who have done good things for us, or who are loving toward us.

But with every good thing we’re thankful for, and every good person we’re thankful to, there’s another layer of thanks to give. That is to God. He placed those good people in your life. He blessed you with the opportunities and the life, and the support. He even gives peace and comfort when you face the inevitable bad things that happen in every life.

I’d been thinking about this idea—that gratitude, or thanks, must be give to someone—for a few days now, after watching a debate between Jordan Peterson and Susan Blackmore. It’s from June, and was done in Great Britain, I believe. And the debate is about the relative merits of atheism and religion. There’s just a small portion that refers to gratitude. Susan Blackmore, the atheist, brings it up. And Jordan Peterson insists that gratitude can’t be just free floating.

Jordan Peterson (right) debates Susan Blackmore
screen shot from here

In this part of the conversation, Jordan Peterson has just pointed out that there’s a lot that undergirds society that was bloodily fought for. You can’t just decide you’re separate from that when you’re the beneficiary of whatever built civilization for you. Susan Blackmore tries to agree, that she’s grateful. But he doesn’t let her get away with calling that gratitude free floating. This is about 30 minutes in:

SB: All that leads me to gratitude for all that we have. I mean, I recognize that. I recognize that has nothing to do with any religious basis at all. I recognize that I could not come on the train here, have a really interesting discussion, meet Justin again, have a nice glass of cold water, without a lot of other people doing it for me. That gratitude, which is one of the things that you quite rightly put into your book, it gives good place to it. It’s very important. That doesn’t come from anything religious, unless you say that because I was brought up a Christian, it came from there. But I don’t base it on that anymore.

JP: Where do you think it comes from?

SB: I think it comes from a recognition that—  I’ve done a lot of meditation. I’ve meditated every day for thirty years, and I think that this has something to do with it. But it’s observing the inner consequences of different ways of confronting the world. And I’m much more in recent years in the habit of waking up in the morning, even if it’s raining in January in England, and looking out and going, Ah! And it’s a feeling of gratitude. Not gratitude towards God, or towards anybody or anything. Just free-floating gratitude. That seems to have a positive consequence. I set the day up better. And it’s kind of self-perpetuating. It pops up again and again.

Moderator: Do you think you can just have gratitude in general, or must gratitude always be given towards something, and ultimately…?

JP: Well, that’s a good question. That goes back to our discussion about acting things out. Gratitude is something you feel towards something. And you can say, “Well, I don’t feel it towards anything in particular.” And I would say, “Well, all right, that diffuse nothing that you feel it toward serves in your psychological hierarchy as your equivalent of God.”

SB: You know, but it’s gratitude— This morning for example, I looked out and it was so green. We’ve had frosts and white the last few days, and it was green this morning. And it was just gratitude to the universe, if you like. It’s not really God, because it’s not a creator. It’s not anything I can pray to. It’s—  I mean…

JP: Why do you feel gratitude towards it, then?

SB: I don’t know, but I find—

JP: That’s fine.

There’s no resolution here between them. They go on to other things. But I think Dr. Peterson has won the point. You can’t have gratitude without it being directed somewhere, toward someone. And “whatever serves in your psychological hierarchy as your equivalent of God” is what you’re aiming that toward.

I prefer to be more direct. I think the God I pray to, and believe is my loving Creator, who made me with purpose, is worthy of my thanks. And I offer that to Him. In addition, there are the loving people around me who also deserve the thanks I give.

Giving that thanks does indeed make life happier than it would be without the recognition and appreciation for the good.

May you find much in your life to give your thanks for and to!

First, Be Thankful for What’s Already Good

Long ago I had a job that included quality control for language translation software. My assignment was to find errors, to see if I could make things go awry. It was kind of a fun game. I had a few challenging words I’d try out, like “fitting,” which can mean a lot of different things, and be used as a verb, a gerund, a noun, an adjective…. Fun times in grammar world.

What happened when I found an error was, I showed the results to the programmers, and listed the things that didn’t work. Then they worked on those things—and generalized somewhat to avoid similar errors with other words. And then they had me try to blow it up again. When I finally gave my approval, we called it “Lindacated.” And everyone had a little celebration.

computer used in the illustration found here

What didn’t happen was, “I found an error, so you need to start over.” Because there was a lot that was right with the program already. We didn’t want that to get thrown out. That would be a waste. And starting over, or even doing major reworking, would introduce new errors.

People have different approaches toward errors and imperfections. Maybe it’s a personality proclivity to see something wrong, and focus on that, to the exclusion of all that’s right. But one example of imperfection does not require outrage, activist energy, and major interventions.

Take a look at our Constitution. It’s a formula for protecting our God-given rights in a way that offers maximum freedom, prosperity, and civilization. And yet that isn’t accepted as truth. We have people who say that, because our founders didn’t write it to instantly wipe out slavery, which pre-dated this nation and its Constitution by all the previous millennia, therefore the Constitution is basically flawed and should be ignored or thrown out—or overthrown, which is how changing the form of government works.

Would it have been nice if the Constitution had been able to accomplish that eventual outcome, which was in our Declaration, that “all men are created equal”? Yes. But the Constitution did set that process in motion. And no other such document had ever accomplished it by that time either.

Another example is the criminal justice system. Say a black man is killed in an altercation with police. Some questions have to be answered about that. What were the circumstances? Was there reason to believe the person a threat to law enforcement or the public? Did police follow procedures? These questions are asked, as a matter of policy, whenever a police firearm is discharged, with much greater scrutiny when someone is killed.

So that policy backdrop is like the Constitution. It’s a structure in place to make things as right as possible in a world where a lot of things go wrong. It didn’t do all that we would now wish for, so does that mean we should throw it out and start from scratch?

Sometimes law enforcement makes a mistake, and a death or injury happens that ought to have been avoided. When that happens, we need to look at what happened, look at policies, fine tune them as needed, in an attempt to prevent such errors in the future.

What shouldn’t happen is a wholesale distrust of all law enforcement, with accusations of racism and hatred and purposeful murder. There’s a lot right with our law enforcement system; we don’t want to lose that as we look at what we can improve.

Another example might be calling “systemic racism” in a country where it’s hard to find examples of actual racism, and it’s practically impossible to find examples of racism that are widely accepted by any major portion of society. Can we find an outlier or two? If we look, yes. Should we label all of society racist, then? No. There’s a lot of society—the vast majority, and the totality of any civilized portions of society—that believes we’re all created equal, and we actually do judge each other based on character rather than skin color. Do we want to throw out those good parts because we aren’t all of us 100% perfect?

Are there men who treat women inappropriately? Yes. And we have too many examples. But that doesn’t nullify the goodness of the vast majority of men in our lives, contributing to our civilization. We can’t allow disposing of due process and the idea of innocent until proven guilty just because some women have been abused. Abusing men with a loss of justice is not an acceptable trade off.

Wherever we look at disagreements in political issues, we’ll find examples. The ones I’ve given are from a particular side. It’s not impossible for conservatives to extrapolate faults as well; most of us see Obamacare as something that should be thrown out entirely. But that’s because Obamacare itself was an overthrow of the healthcare system—because insurance is too expensive for some. (We’ve discussed elsewhere why government interference caused that problem, and why less government and more free market would be the solution.)

So, yes, I have a particular view on this. Nevertheless, I’d like to suggest a better way, in the spirit of the celebration this week.

There are two ways of looking at reality: with a critical eye, or with thanksgiving.

Is there a place for a critical eye? Yes, when we need to improve something. But it should be in the spirit of appreciation for what works, so that we do not lose what works and introduce even more new things that do not work.

So here’s the action plan: when something comes up, something emotional, that makes you think, “Something’s got to be done to rectify this!” take a deep breath. Wait for more details. Look at the overall system, and especially look for something positive in the overall system. What’s working? Get a broader perspective, away from the pinpoint of the event. Only then can you see how the “problem” fits within the overall picture.

After that, you might realize all that’s needed is making sure the in-place procedures are followed to lead to the best outcome under the circumstances. Or maybe there are only small adjustments needed. Think of the energy you’ll save by not crusading for revolution when a little tweaking will do more good—and less potential harm.

It’s a more peaceful approach. Less driven by emotion of a particular event, without a fuller perspective. More likely to preserve the existing good.

Look for the good. Appreciate what’s good. Be thankful for what is already working. And then improve things with wisdom.

Living in Thanksgiving

Back in college I listened to a talk by one of the professors—I think it was Susan Easton Black—in which she talked about what we would do if the stars came out only once a decade. We would celebrate. We would have events leading up to it. We’d have special star night practices. We’d all find a great place to view the stars on star night. We would have a sense of wonder; we’d be filled with awe.

We would be grateful for that night with the stars.

But since we get them every night, it takes some effort on our part to see the wonder in them. When we do, we are still filled with awe.

Milky Way and Arches, by photographer
G Brad Lewis, who records moments of awe
every day. From his Facebook page. His work
can be found online at VolcanoMan.com

So I’m looking at what it takes to get that feeling. I know that gratitude is involved—feeling thankful.

Last May when we were in London, there was a challenging day. It was rainy and cold—very cold for us Texans. It was our day to do the Big Bus tour. But because of the weather the traffic was stalled throughout the city. It was often a half hour wait between sites mentioned by the headset tour guide. The only place we had time to get off and tour was St. Paul’s Cathedral, which was well worth it, but we were disappointed, yet again, to run out of time for Westminster (we never did get to do that).

It was the kind of day the I’m prone to get irritable about. Cold, and traffic, and having to change plans as we go along. But, I wasn’t irritable. I kept thinking, “We’re in London! How cool is that!” I just wanted to enjoy every moment we were there, so there was no time, no place in life, for irritability and frustration. That’s something I need to feel more in the regular day-to-day life.

Mental health experts, self-help gurus, and lots of just plain good people can tell you that purposely being grateful is good for your brain and for your health. One common suggestion is a thankfulness journal: you write three (or however many you choose) things to be grateful for at the end of every day. Another approach is to make the list part of your meditation, or prayer. Prayer works for me; I know I’ll get in the thankfulness when I do that.

One of the reasons Thanksgiving Day is a favorite holiday is that we spend time together with loved ones, thinking about what we’re thankful for, and expressing it. We can just enjoy being together, and celebrating that.

If that’s the attitude we keep through the rest of the holiday season, that will make all our celebrations more meaningful and much less stressful and frustrating.

If we can do that through Christmas and the New Year, maybe we can make a habit of it. We could find ourselves Living in Thanksgiving. And that’s just a better life to live.

This video from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints reminds us of the value of Thanksgiving Daily, available here (under two minutes). 

Thanksgiving

I'm cooking today. Very little time to write. If I were more like the Pioneer Woman blog, I would have beautiful photos and recipes. But, alas, those are not my specialties.

We have a crowd here: our son Political Sphere and family, a nephew and family, a couple of other friends. And a dog or two in the chaos.

We have plenty.

I'm thankful we can be together, and watch little kids grow and learn. Little Political Sphere 2 has recently decided to talk--and talk and talk. We thought he was the quiet one. While LPS 1 has quite suddenly, since starting kindergarten, gotten quiet. It's an adjustment.

We don't have son Economic Sphere with us, but after dinner for us it will be the morning of a day off for him (he didn't get Thanksgiving off in Korea). And I'm thankful for video chat. We will probably also video chat with daughter Social Sphere, who is dropping in with extended family for at least a couple of feasts today. I'm also grateful for the new baby joining the family in about a month and a half, even though he's preventing his mommy's travel through the holidays.

There's plenty to be thankful for. Mostly personal. So this today is just to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

Giving Thanks in All Things

We’re traveling this week. Thanksgiving we’re spending at our son Economic Sphere’s little base housing duplex in Monterey. It is the first time we’ve seen him since we dropped him off at the swearing in ceremony last February, when he joined the Army. So this is very good. His wife is taking on the whole Thanksgiving feast cooking performance, including soaking the turkey in brine all night (I have never been so adventurous in cooking a turkey).

We spent a day with old friends before we arrived, friends who lived in Houston a decade ago before moving to northern California. We used to live in this part of the world; Economic Sphere was born just up the road a couple of hours’ drive, during that era of our lives. It was surprising to drive through some of the same places, still looking the same. From the roads, California doesn’t look on the verge of economic collapse, and it’s hard to picture imminent disaster. As for our kids, I’m glad they’re here when they don’t have to pay in-state taxes (military are assigned to their home location instead of the state they’re stationed in). And housing, which can be outrageously priced here, is taken care of for them right now. And they don’t have kids in schools that I could not trust to appropriately educate any grandchild of mine. (Although, I would like to hint that, now that they are somewhat settled, I would love to learn of a grandchild coming to this little family, before they’re stationed overseas somewhere beyond my reach. Am I allowed to bring up such suggestions?)

I’m thankful we can still travel. I’m thankful for our beautiful family and friends. I’m thankful I can still get internet access. I’m thankful for a few days off. I’m thankful that turkey and sweet potatoes are not on the extensive list of foods I’m allergic to. (No pumpkin pie this year, alas. Nor apple pie.)

I’m thankful we have this special day where we pause with our family and friends and together celebrate saying thanks to God, the giver of all the good.

I wish the same for the same sense of gratefulness for all of you. It makes for a better life.

This is an aside, but I'm also thankful for good humor. One of my favorite Thanksgiing moments is this old episode of WKRP in Cincinnati. I hope you enjoy.

 

Giving Thanks

I’m thankful for family. I have a good husband of almost 30 years, three beautiful and brilliant children, two daughters-in-law that have become mine, and a granddaughter who has spent her entire life in my home where I can see each new step he takes and hear each new word and song she learns. 

I’m thankful that I had my dad for so long; he was 91 when he passed away two years ago Christmas. And I’m thankful to still have my mom, at 82, still healthy and able to drive and take care of herself—and her friends. 

I’m thankful for my home—not a grand home, but the finest I have ever lived in. 

I’m thankful for enough food, and ease in obtaining it. 

I am thankful for my religion; it has made all the difference in my life. It guides me to live in a way that leads to civilization and happiness through the unavoidable trials of life. 

I am thankful for relatively good health—enough to be the oldest player in the church volleyball league. 

I’m thankful to be living in the free country of the United States of America, in the free state of Texas. I’m thankful that the founders were brilliant enough to guarantee our freedoms with a written Constitution. 

I’m thankful for books, and reading, and the internet and more ways than ever to learn and share information and connections. 

I’m thankful that there are more things to be thankful for than I can remember to enumerate in one afternoon. 

I’m thankful we have a day set aside to remind us to be thankful. May my celebration and yours be full of good memories!

We Share Thankfulness

Last night Mr. Spherical Model and I attended a Thanksgiving Service, the 5^th annual such service offered by a local interfaith clergy association for the whole community. The three main faith groups presented the program: Christian, Muslim, and Jewish, expressing their views on giving thanks, through spoken word and music. 

Community members mingle following
interfaith Thanksgiving Service

The Muslim representative shared his religion’s view that we should begin everything we do by offering thanks to God. This is a belief all our religions share, so it is a bond between us. 

A Methodist pastor retold the story of the Good Samaritan, and reminded us that we are each others’ neighbors. We can be grateful to share this community with people of various faiths. We don’t just cohabitate, but we come to care for one another; we are neighborly. And he’s right; unlike other parts of the world where that neighborliness is lacking, it is a blessing in our little part of Texas. 

A Jewish rabbi talked about the Jewish practice of recognizing and giving thanks for “the miracles of every day”: opening our eyes in the morning, finding firm ground, having clothes, being free. These blessings teach that our very lives are miracles.  

If there was a theme to the evening, it was that each of our faith traditions leads us to thankfulness to God in all things. This was also brought out in the music. Words from the Q’uran were chanted, meaning, “If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more,” and “My Lord, bestow on us the ability to be grateful.” Two young girls, sisters, from the host Mormon congregation, sang a song of gratefulness for family harmony, “There is beauty all around when there’s love at home.” And another Jewish rabbi sang from Psalm 92, “To sing praises unto thy name, O most High: To show forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night.” 

I especially enjoyed the words of the closing congregational hymn, which expressed the theme well: 

Because I have been given much, I too must give;

Because of they great bounty, Lord, each day I live

I shall divide my gifts from thee With every brother that I see

Who has the need of help from me. 

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care,

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share

My glowing fire, my loaf of bread, My roof’s safe shelter overhead,

That he too may be comforted. 

Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord,

I’ll share thy love again, according to thy word.

I shall give love to those in need; I’ll show that love by word and deed:

Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

            —Text: Grace Noll Crowell; Music: Phillip Landgrave