Pronoun Lesson

I’m sure you come to a blog like this for grammar lessons. Who wouldn’t? Anyway, since pronouns—and your choice of pronouns—is such a big topic in media, I thought we ought to go over what pronouns are and what they mean.

A pronoun is a word used to take the place of a noun.

from Webster's New World Dictionary, College Edition, (c) 1982

There are a great many more varieties of pronoun than I’m covering here, but just personal pronouns will do for our discussion.

Personal Pronouns	Subject Case		Object Case		Possessive Case
	Singular	Plural	Singular	Plural	Singular	Plural
First Person	I	We	Me	Us	My/Mine	Our/Ours
Second Person	You	You	You	You	Your/Yours	Your/Yours
Third Person	He/She/It	They	Him/Her/It	Them	His/Her(s)/Its	Their/Yheirs

 

If you’re familiar with the Bible, King James version, or maybe some Shakespeare, you might be aware of an additional Second Person group: Thou, Thee, and Thy/Thine. In other languages, Spanish for example, they are not considered archaic, but are commonly used. Interestingly, they are used for more familiarity, sometimes with inferiors such as servants, but also for more intimate relationships, such as among children and their parents or grandparents. If you thought that using these terms in prayer put more formal distance between you and God, the meaning is actually to bring you closer, as to a dear parent or grandparent in your familiar world.

If you’re from Texas, you might be familiar with some additional second person plurals:

·         Y’all = You plural, but maybe singular with implied others

o   Ex: Y’all are literally going to hell for believing that. (You and anyone who believes like you…)

·         All Y’all = You plural, including the whole group

o   Ex: Are all y’all going to the picnic on Saturday?

·         All Y’all’s = You plural possessive

o   Ex: Are all y’all’s kids signed up for the football league this season?

These personal pronoun forms are things you’ve actually known since you learned to speak English, so you hardly think about them. But when a part of speech is weaponized against you, maybe it’s time to think it through.

The thing about words is, the people who control the words control the thoughts. If you don’t want somebody else controlling your thoughts, then don’t let them control your words.

The pronouns people are having a kerfuffle about these days are the third person singular. These are the ones related to sex. We have male (he/him/his) and female (she, her/hers) and neutral (it/it/its). It generally refers to things, but can refer to people, particularly to babies, when the sex is not apparent, although this is done more commonly in Britain than in America where we just guess (often incorrectly).

Here’s an imaginary conversation about preferred pronouns.

Trans-activist: My name used to be Justin, but now it’s Justine. And my preferred pronouns are ze/zim/zir-zirs.

Me: Let me be clear. Your name now is Justine, but when I use a pronoun in place of Justine, I shouldn’t use you?

TA: Um. I don’t mean…

Me: Because it gets pretty awkward. Second person pronouns are pretty straight forward, and also happen to be gender neutral in English. But in speaking to Justine [points to the person] I shouldn’t use you?

TA: No. I guess I’m not talking about second person pronouns. You can use you when you talk to me.

Me: Well, thank you. That’s decent of you. So what pronouns are you preferring and for what reason?

TA: Well, when you refer to me by a pronoun.

Me: A pronoun other than you. I notice you use I and me when you refer to yourself. So those must be fine, right?

TA: Um, yes.

Me: So, is it third person pronouns you want to declare?

TA: Yes, I guess it is.

Me: Third person means—obviously, you’re the third person. You’re not in the dialogue between me and whoever else. You want to control what I say when I refer to you with another person in another conversation?

TA: I, um— Uh, yes?

Me: It seems to me that what I say to another person ought to be done in a way to convey my meaning to that person. So, if I were to refer to you, Justine, in a conversation with someone else, I would do it in a way that would convey who I meant. So I would use words that would do that. If you look like a male, I would probably use he/him/his, so I wouldn’t confuse the person I’m speaking to. And if you look like a woman, or are at least dressed to appear as one, as you are today, I would probably use she/her/hers, to match what the person I’m talking to is perceiving. Although it would depend on what we, in our conversation, seem to understand together.

I would never use words that have no meaning to me and probably not to the person I’m talking with either—like those ones you say you prefer.

TA: But you should learn those words. You should get used to them.

Me: Why?

TA: To show respect to people like me.

Me: But if they don’t convey meaning between me and the person I’m talking to, then that would be gibberish instead of vocabulary.

TA: But I demand that you show respect for people like me.

Me: People like you who use gibberish, you mean?

TA: No. Trans people like me.

Me: Respectfully, I don’t understand what business it is of yours what vocabulary I’m using in a conversation in which you are not a participant.

TA: I, uh…

Me: Here’s a deal I hope we can agree on. When I’m talking to you, I will use the pronoun you. When I’m talking to other people and refer to you, if you choose to listen in, then you can choose to pick apart my words, take offense, and malign me for my attempts to communicate clearly. But that is not civil on your part and is certainly not respectful of me.

Or you can realize it’s none of your business. And then we can co-exist quite nicely. Maybe even have good, understanding discourse.

So that’s your choice. But you do not get to choose what words I use in conversation with other people.

 

There are several reasons that conversation is imaginary only. One is that trans-activists such as Justin/Justine are not ubiquitous in my real life. In the general population, trangenders are maybe three in a thousand (although recruiting is going on to raise the rate); activists could be more plentiful, however. Another reason is that such people don’t allow you to get a word in. They shout you down. That’s what someone as reasonable as Jordan Peterson has experienced. 

Incidentally, Jordan Peterson recommends a book on pronouns, The Secret Life of Pronouns, by linguist James W. Pennebaker, which Peterson says mentions that pronouns are “part of what is called a closed linguistic category, and they don’t change.” So the made up ones really can’t be part of the conversation; they really are just gibberish.

chart used in this article originally from the University of Oklahoma's 
LGBT Ally Program Resource Guide

So, anyway, in such a conversation, the likelihood of being able to go through the language usage argument is pretty small. But maybe it will help one of you reading this to see the meaning of what they’re asking.

There’s a story, underway since May and June, but updated this week. I heard the discussion on the Robert Gruler law vlog yesterday.  And he referenced a Daily Wire story and a Fox News interview with that story’s author this week, and another with the father in the story, Scott Smith. This is the story of a father in Loudon County, Virginia, who had trouble with his school board, to put it mildly. I think we can piece together what has happened.

On May 28, 2021, a 9^th-grade female student was raped in Stone Bridge High School, in the girls’ bathroom by a male student wearing a skirt. The father was brought to the school with a call telling him his child had been involved in a physical altercation. But when he got there, he learned that what had actually happened was sexual assault—rape—but the school told him they would be handling it internally.

Schools are required to report to police such crimes. So admittedly he was upset with them. They called the police—on him, for making a scene (I believe he swore at the principal). Fortunately, in the ensuing conversations with the officers, they used a rape kit to gather evidence and opened the investigation.

Photo from the arrest of Scott Smith,
at the June 22 school board meeting
screenshot from the Robert Gruler video

It took two months before the perpetrator was arrested. But one month after the rape, at the school board meeting held June 22, on the agenda was the transgender bathroom policy for the school district. Smith, whose daughter was raped (we probably can't mention that too many times), came to ask why nothing had been done to secure his daughter’s safety, and the safety of others, at school. Why were they talking about this bathroom policy without even considering the rape of his daughter? Before he could speak, he was arrested and dragged out for unlawful assembly and disturbing the peace—because he was bigoted, racist, or anything else they might want to label someone who disagreed with their policies. If I’m understanding correctly, video of the father being dragged out went viral and was used to claim that parents were out of control and violent at the school board meetings—which, you might note, have not gone well in that county since then either. 

An additional detail, there is no evidence that Smith had signed up to officially speak for the one minute they would allow, so that is their excuse for claiming he was out of line and should be removed.

When the father got word out about the rape of his daughter, the head of the school board, a Mr. Ziegler, claimed they had no record of any such incident. It is possible that the school board wasn’t brought in on the case, and juvenile laws keep names from being reported. However, according to the Daily Wire, the father’s attorney verified that “a boy was charged with two counts of forcible sodomy, one count of anal sodomy, and one count of forcible fellatio, related to an incident that day at that school.” The sheriff’s office does confirm that there is such a case involving sexual assault. The father is not making this up, as the school board implied while impugning his reputation with the video.

On August 11, the school board voted to implement their transgender bathroom policy.

On October 6, a 15-year-old boy was charged with sexual battery and abduction of a female student, this time at Broad Run High School in the same district. The sheriff’s office confirms that the two cases are related but does not confirm it is the same male perpetrator. Smith, however, claims that it is. I’m not understanding how a boy charged with rape by late July is in school to commit another crime on October 6. It would be easy to confirm it wasn’t the same student, if the perpetrator of the May 28 crime was not roaming free in school on October 6. It was this second crime that prompted Smith to go to the media this week. He had been told the best way to seek justice for his daughter was to remain quiet, but authorities had let another girl be victimized. So he decided he shouldn't keep quiet any longer.

Scott Smith (right) was interviewed by Laura Ingraham on Fox News
the screenshot is from Robert Gruler's video

What the father alleges is at issue is that the school board hid information about the crime against his daughter in order to protect its woke policy. I think he’s not wrong. And it’s not out of line to assume he and the parents of the other female victim have cause to sue this school district for gross negligence.

It seems obvious to me that, since evidence shows gender identity does not necessarily affect sexual preference, a boy who is attracted to girls, who claims to be a girl, is placed in a voyeuristic setting when allowed into female bathrooms or locker rooms. And his being stronger physically, as a biological male, puts girls in jeopardy. Refusing to consider this while writing up a bathroom and locker room policy is gross negligence on its face.

And the concern is not new. We went through this in Houston, back in 2014, when our mayor attempted to implement such a policy. It’s not so much transgenders we’re worried about; it’s sexual predators. Making it so we can’t question their presence in our private places puts us at risk. I wrote about it here. Just as in Houston, those “compassionate” policymakers call parents like Scott Smith bigoted conspiracy theorists, claiming such assaults don’t happen, even while stats pile up.

Gruler’s video goes on to detail what’s in the school district’s policy. Additional privacy within bathrooms is probably not a bad thing. Think Buccee’s, if you’re in Texas, where you have a solid locked door, instead of a flimsy stall with gaps around the door. But that’s probably not enough to keep students safe from determined perpetrators who are given a safe place—and cover from a school board and its “compassionate” policies.

Also, the policy sees itself as the ultimate authority on what is best for the transgender student, particularly if the student’s assertion of a different gender is at odds with what the parents believe about their child. If the parents don’t affirm the child’s delusions, the school will support the student while keeping the parent uninformed.

In the policy, of course, is a pronoun section: “School staff shall, at the request of a student or parent/legal guardian, use a student’s chosen name and gender pronouns that reflect their consistently asserted gender identity.” Since we’re doing grammar here today, note that “a student” is singular, but “their” is plural—because using “his or her or whatever pronoun such student chooses” would have been awkward.

from the FAQ related to the Loudon County School Board policy,
pronoun policy highlighted
screenshot from the Robert Gruler video

And how does a teacher know a student’s alternate name or pronoun details? There’s an online database system, which I suppose the teacher is expected to memorize for each and every student. Or maybe the teacher can get online and search it in the middle of class discussions to avoid "mis-gendering." And/or there’s a personal request, if nicknames and pronouns aren’t in the database, and then the teacher must just remember.

Again, I assert that the requirement is for use of pronouns in conversations the transgender person is not a part of. Maybe in the same room, but really none of their business. That ought to give us a clue about the bigger picture. This is not about mutual kindness or respect. You would not have a school board covering up the rape of a child in order to promote their policies, if this were about kindness and respect. It is about thought control. And it is about control by institutions over families and parents.

What they did to shut up that father at the school board meeting—put yourself in that place. They want to shut you up. If they had listened for even thirty seconds, everyone would have been better off. But it also would have derailed their policy plans.

Let’s hope you and/or your child or loved one never has to suffer as this father and his daughter have suffered—and the next victim as well.

But one thing is certain: giving in on language is a big deal. And it is something you still have control over.

Use the pronouns you know are appropriate, the ones you’ve been using all your life. And, if you’re put in that position, tell anyone who says you should use their preferred pronouns that it is none of their business what words you use in a conversation they are not a part of.