I’m at the stage of life that I no longer require the annual
(or more frequent) reminder that motherhood is worth doing. And maybe even
better, I’m past the guilt of wondering whether I’m a good enough mother. So
today’s blog, ahead of Mother’s Day, is meant to help younger mothers get
greater joy out of their mothering, which is what I think God intends for them.
Being Grandma is the dessert of motherhood. |
Point one: Just
being a mother, in an age that has skewed what it values, is honorable. You’re
doing it; your kids are alive. Yay! Here are some words of wisdom in support of
the wonderful thing you’re doing for civilization:
“The
righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be
in more tranquil times... Other institutions in society may falter and even
fail but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last
and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife.”—Spencer
W. Kimball
“The homemaker has the
ultimate career. All other careers exist for one
purpose only—and that is
to support the ultimate career.”—C. S. Lewis
“Women
who make a house a home make a far greater contribution to society than those
who command large armies or stand at the head of impressive corporations.”—Gordon B. Hinckley
“For this
child I prayed; and the Lord hath given
me my
petition which I asked of him.”
—Hannah,
mother of Samuel, 1 Samuel 1:27 (KJV)
Point two: You’re
not in this alone. Not only is there a daddy working alongside you (I hope),
these children in your care belonged to God first. He is especially fond of
them. He wants them back home with Him, after this growing, earth life
adventure. You don’t have to be perfect at the job. God entrusted you; trust
His judgment. You don’t have to meet some unreasonable level of super-mom-hood
before you qualify to ask for help. “Ask, and it shall be given you” (Matthew 7:7, KJV). It may be true that parenting is harder today
than when we were children. It might seem perilous. This is no reason for
despair; it is reason to “pray always, and be believing, and all things shall
work together for your good” (from a Mormon scripture, Doctrine & Covenants 90:24).
“Imperfect people
are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly
frustrating to Him, but He deals with it.”—Jeffrey
R. Holland
“Parents
today wonder if there is a safe place to raise children. There is. It’s called
a gospel centered home.”—Boyd K. Packer
Earnestly
Striving + Christ’s Atonement = Enough
—Linda Nuttall
That last
one is mine. I’m sure others have had the same idea, but it came to me as something I needed
to remind myself. So I wrote it on the little message board on my refrigerator,
and made a post for it on Pinterest.
Point three: Live
with joy. There was a time this was particularly difficult. My children were
small, and I was just discovering some chronic illnesses that were making
things more challenging than I had expected. Like having constant infections,
and never getting back up to better. Meanwhile, kids had their illnesses,
including ear infections. But I knew in my heart it shouldn’t feel like a
miserable burden to take care of my own children that I loved.
So in my prayers I literally asked for the ability to take
delight in my children.
The physical challenges didn’t really go away—still working
on that. But when I look back on the child-raising years, I know I truly did
delight in my children. What wonderful, bright, funny, delightful children I
got to raise!
Let me add just a note about the homeschooling decade we
spent. You know how in the early years, you get so excited when your child
learns a new thing? First step, saying “Mama.” We think it sort of goes away
after those first few years—but it doesn’t. When you’re the homeschool teacher,
you get to be there for those other discoveries: how to do the quadratic
equation, the ability to read music, loving a book you always wanted to share
with them. A child gets something new—and you’re there to see it!
If that’s not what you feel called to do, fine, don’t stress
over it. But just know that, even though it’s exhausting, it’s a joyful way to
live. Note: there were bad hours many days, and sometimes just bad days. But
there was also a huge accumulation of really worthwhile living I am so grateful
I had.
"I
think you will find, my young friend, that in life most of the work in the
world is done by people who aren't feeling very well."—Russell LeBaron Briggs,
Dean of Harvard Law School, 1995
“Wherefore, be not weary in
well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small
things proceedeth that which is great.”—Doctrine & Covenants 64:33
Point four:
Endure well. Endure is one of those
words heavily weighted with suffering. But it doesn’t have to be. It can be
just staying on the path, correcting slight straying, and just doing what it
takes to make the journey. So advice on this point is, again, not meant for
guilt, but for increasing joy.
Love yourself. Love your husband. Love your children. Accept
yourself the way you are, encouraging yourself to be the best you who is still you. Accept your
husband the way he is, encouraging the good, and never shaming whatever might
not be perfect/more-like-you or less-like-you. Accept your children the way
they are, encouraging growth, encouraging their natural goodness, and never
shaming whatever might not be perfect/more-like-you or less-like-you.
If any of these things seem overwhelmingly hard, ask for
help. Ask God first. If you need more help, He will lead you to it. He plans
for you to succeed, and He’s very good at accomplishing His plans. You’re his
daughter, and you’re a mother—know that He loves you.
“The way we talk to our children becomes
their inner voice.”—Peggy O’Mara
“If you have a
bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell because that
is exactly where it came from.”—Brigham Young
“Ordinary
people who faithfully, diligently, and consistently do simple things that are
right before God will bring forth extraordinary results.”—David A. Bednar
“As you create
a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you
or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think of your successes. Have
joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be
grateful for the journey.”―Marjorie Pay Hinckley, wife of Gordon B. Hinckley
Great post Mom!
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