It is a principle of the Civilization Sphere that the family
is the basic unit of civilization. During this week before Mother’s Day, I’d like to
take a look at some very positive and beautiful things about living together in
a family home.
Perfection is not required. Earnest striving is enough, with
God’s help, to sanctify the home for the family. The savage world may rage
beyond the doors, but a civilized family protects its members from much suffering—and provides an abundant life.
The list today includes things that, in every category, I
know people who are better at it than I am. But putting it all together, I
think I can feel pretty good about the effort. As one friend of daughter Social
Sphere said during the teen years, “Y’all are the most functional family I’ve
ever seen.”
Mostly this list is what brings delight to me. I’ve been
thinking about the word delight somewhat lately. Because it’s entirely
positive, and yet the de- prefix often means the negative un-. So I used my
faithful old dictionary and learned that the de- in this case comes from the
Latin-based word for from: from light, literally, or from enticing or
enchanting. What delights is what entices to do good or brings to mind what is
good.
So, specifically, what delights in the family and home?
People who love one another is first. A family starts with
the covenant between a man and a woman to commit to one another through
whatever life throws at them, to choose to love through it all. And then, within that unit are
added offspring—with the natural bonding that comes from falling in love with
tiny little persons newly come from heaven. In my life, the crowning glory has
been bringing children into the world, and watching them grow into civilized,
brilliant, creative, God-serving adults. And the dessert is now getting grandchildren.
I adore them. Everything about them delights me. Yes, I am idealizing for the
moment, because dealing with them 24/7 is beyond my capability at my current
age, but that isn’t required of me—which is one of the better perks of
grandparenthood. We just get to enjoy the delight and let their parents deal
with the more challenging moments.
My grandchildren, my delights |
I want to look beyond the delights of the family members,
because these things are part of an abundant life—and in an ever more savage
outer world, we need to find ways to enjoy civilization within the home.
Make music. Enjoying
music made by others is also important; sharing what we’re enjoying with each
other is better. (We got to attend a concert of The Piano Guys last Thursday,
which was a memorable and delightful couple of hours.) But making music in the
home is something extra. It’s hard to beat having a piano in the home and
someone who can play it while people gather around and sing. A guitar can serve
as well. Patiently encouraging the development of music skill in family members
is civilized, and civilizing. I have a sort of life rule that you shouldn’t
miss the opportunity to learn a new instrument or a new language. To that
end, I’ve learned enjoyment level skills playing piano, guitar, mountain
dulcimer (play this in a weekly jam session), soprano and alto recorder, and ukulele.
I developed the most skill vocally (good in choirs, because there’s not a lot
of clamor for classical altos), and I currently lead the church choir. We also
have a violin and cello in the house, that kids studied for several years.
There are families more musical than ours, but we have had enough to delight.
Make good food.
It’s possible to have a good home without a lot of cooking skill. But it adds
delight. The conversation is more important than gourmet skill. But sharing
delicious, healthful meals together adds delight. I’m in favor of simple, by
necessity. I’m better at it than I used to be. Skill really does build over
time. And sometimes putting in extra effort into food, to celebrate holidays or
special family occasions, adds delight. One of my favorite parts of Social
Sphere’s wedding celebration (nearly a year ago) was planning and preparing the
food. I couldn’t do it every day, and it exhausts me just to imagine that much effort
again. And yet finding those recipes, trying them out, putting things in the
freezer to wait till last minute finishing—that was my fun. Who knew?
from Social Sphere's Houston reception |
One thing I learned with small children (probably because it
so much applies to me) is that the best way to prevent a meltdown/tantrum is to
keep a child well fed and well rested. Carry food, and make sure a child doesn’t
have to go too long. A quick drive through the fast food lane might be
occasionally necessary, but a cooler with grapes, carrots, cheese, and some
sliced turkey will be a better cure. Also allow for regular rest times. If you
plan a schedule that runs over a child’s need for regular food and rest, you’re
going to suffer the natural consequences. Don’t get mad at a child for that.
Next time make the proper preparations.
Grow a Library.
Going to the library is a good addition, and having a Kindle or Nook is handy.
But having books to hold and share, read aloud together, and pass along is necessary
for civilization in the home. I’m one of those who watch Beauty and the Beast
and say, “The library is what she first fell in love with.” (Note: I think Mr. Spherical Model may have fallen in love with me becaues of my piano and my library.) My kids used to
sleep with a stack of books. Books were something we shared together, and still
do. All through their high school years we read aloud together. My granddaughter runs for a
stack of books when I arrive; that is what we must do together. The concept of
old, unneeded books is kind of foreign to me. Sharing the delight with a new
generation is worth the space on the shelf.
Beautify the Home.
This one is tougher for me. I have good intentions and occasional success. After
all the family moved out, I finally recovered my pantry, and to me it is now a
thing of beauty. But there are many more parts of my life not set in order yet.
I have friends with lovely homes, full of art and color and coordination. My
priorities were elsewhere (see Library and Music above). But I love being surrounded by
beautiful, inspiring things as much as the next person. I believe in having
meaning in the surroundings, so that is a constraint. Energy, time, and money
are also constraints. A home needs to feel comfortable to live in while being
beautiful. I’m a fan of Pinterest, online. So many ideas; so little time. I
think it’s a great thing we can share ideas for free. There is a lot of delight
to be had there, as long as you take it as a source, and not as a comparison
causing a sense of failure. Décor is a matter of taste. But home beauty is
about the sense of love you feel when you come in.
Believe me, this is a huge improvement |
Making a home is making a place where family love can
thrive. In monetary terms, homemaking doesn’t pay well. But, without a wife and
husband putting love into making it happen, there is no way to buy it. And
without it in your own home, for you there is no civilization. Make a home
first, and then worry about the rest of the world.
As the great Christian writer (author of The Chronicles of
Narnia) put it, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist
for one purpose only—and that is to support the ultimate career.”
One more quote, from one of my favorite people, the late
Gordon B. Hinckley, who was President of The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints: “Women who make a house a home make a far greater
contribution to society than those who command large armies or stand at the
head of impressive corporations.”
No comments:
Post a Comment